well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
