He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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