he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
