You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.