I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos