Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.