Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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