ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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