All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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