The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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