She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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