If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Drunk is not a location!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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