I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
