I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
