I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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