I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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