did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I intend to get homeless drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
