The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
