worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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