my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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