Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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