Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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