so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
