Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
