...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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