If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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