Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
