Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
