I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pants are for mortals
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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