so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
