Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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