You're my little dorito
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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