Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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