im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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