It's Friday. Sex?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos