seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE