This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize