well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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