No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
