I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
