farters have to be the big spoon...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
