I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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