Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
