After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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