True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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