he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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