You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
