My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
