Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
