well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
