I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize