you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
