oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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