Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize