Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
