I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
