If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
